What NOT to do when creating your dating profile....

Unfortunately I have been smothered with Flu & Laryngitis this week so wasn't really in the humor of getting dolled up to meet up with anymore victims but lucky for you it gave me loads of time in bed to chat to guys online and as usual they didn't disappoint. My sleep pattern was also all over the place so I was online until stupid o'clock and that seems to be when all the crazy's come out of the woodwork....

I got welcomed by a message from someone who's user name was ...Charmer (I'm not giving his full user name to protect his privacy)

This so called Charmer opened with...

FAKE

I replied ... 

Excuse me?

I clicked on his profile and started to read it in an old Dublin accent in my head (I'm from Dublin so I wasn't slagging its just how it came across) so you do the same cause it made me giggle when I did it!

If ya cant have a full BLOWIN conversation?

Fi-yer Light-erz fi-eve fer fif-tee!

Sounds like a real catch right?

A few minutes later I get a reply about the fake statement!

I really wasn't in the humor for this BS!

He replied with:

You Rude little bitch, I new i woz rite about ye, your one of those vain little cunts who tinks der are only brilliant, i hope your next fella sortz ye out wet a ghood slap, i have a good heart & respect women and resive it when it is givin... your nobody d way you speak...

Ye really sounds like you respect women!

He deleted his profile after that....

Nosing through a few profiles and maybe I am just a fussy wagon but if your going onto a dating website I think guys need to be abit more selective about what pictures they put up of themselves.....

I'm on a boat Muttha F*kka!!

or

Just a friend, OK!

Just another friend? me thinks the gentleman prefers blonde's!

I know what I'll do..... 

I'll take a photo of myself in the bathroom mirror

nah still not right.... maybe......

 it needs to be Black and white?

Nope....

Still not right....

Maybe I should take......

MY TOP OFF!

Jaysis!

can you spot whats wrong with this picture?

No man should EVER wear CROCS..... EVER!!!

This one is my favourite........

Just hangin out......

In my crack den!!WTF???

In between all my snooping I get a mail saying " You Ready?"

No reply!?!?

I think I just rumbled Larry Murphy

I've been logged off a few days cause my flu escalated to stage 3 Man flu (stage 5 is death), but talking to a few potentials for dates next week, so as always I will keep you all informed!

Don't forget you can keep up to date on facebook and twitter by clicking these links....

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Thanks for reading guys, you can send me your comments and any stories to IdRatherBeAloneThan@gmail.com

OH and one last thing, incase you are wondering, he still never text!!!