Boxed off.....

So far the main outcome of ALL of my dates has been that the guy has done something god awful and I've decided not to see him again, ALL until this weekend.... this weekend it was my turn to be the A-Hole.

I had been emailing and then texting a guy in similar profession to me (except A LOT more successful, a number of business's under his belt) and we had decided to go on a date to a very fancy restaurant and have a few drinks. I was finally giving up on my sober date rule and decided that this time I was going to throw caution to the wind and just go back to the good ole fashioned Irish way of doing things and just get trollied and hope for the best!

I spent the week on a soup and smoothie diet to ensure I'd fit into a very sexy LBD, got my hair done, got buffed, bronzed and beautiful and set about on my way.

I was staying in a friends house and dropped my car off and got a taxi to meet him. I wasn't feeling that nervous but I had a bad feeling in the pit of stomach. I had this dread that he was not going to look like his pictures and that this was just going to be another big disaster, after all we were getting along really well by text and with my track record it was only right that it was all going to go Pete Tong.

I had told him to make sure he was there on time because I hate waiting and I would just walk off if he wasn't there, so I was relieved when I walked to our meeting place and saw him standing there. He didn't look as good as his pictures, but still alright, I look better in my pics too, so It wasn't a deal breaker.
We were walking, luckily I had warn my trusted killer heels that I could probably river dance in and he was chatting away, no awkwardness, a welcome relief! He had described himself as 6 foot, I'm only 5'5" and was in heels but thought he looked a bit short, but again wasn't a big deal.

Got to our venue and I said I'd grab a seat while we were waiting and he went to the bar. I took out my phone to text my friend and give her a very brief message to give her my first impression and could update her on my toilet breaks of how it was progressing. So I pulled it out of my bag and typed

"Hes alright, bit short!"

SEND......... 3 SECOND LATER

OH H*LY MOTHER OF DIVINE........

I've only gone and sent it to him!!!!! He's at the bar ordering a drink and I'm sitting about ten feet away at a table looking from him to my phone, thinking, SH**************************TTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
Iphones really should have a "Are you sure you want to send this text?" option after 9pm

If I had a brain I'd be dangerous

There's no way to get this message back, its now on his phone so I either need to try get the phone off him or face the music. I'm wondering could I ask him could I use HIS phone and delete it, but he would see it as soon as he takes his phone out, if he hasn't already, I'm doomed. I'm just gonna have to face whatever he says, if he comes back from the bar that is.

Feels like he's been gone for ten hours, text my friend to tell her what I did and manage to actually send it to her this time, WELL DONE!

He eventually comes back with two big cocktails and 4 shots, I've never been so happy to see alcohol. He doesn't say anything about my slip up so maybe he just laughed and thinks I'm a gobshite.

We are getting on great, drinks are flowing, conversation is so relaxed, this is the first guy I've been on a date with that I'm actually thinking I might like to see him again.

We are literally working our way through the cocktail list, trying anything that sounds fruity and alcoholic, well that's my manner of elimination anyway! Doing shots of Jaiger and Sambuca in between, fighting each other to pay for a round.  He wont let me pay for anything, which is very gentlemanly but not a thing I'm really used to, I'm quite head strong and independent and like to pay my way but its a battle to get the waitress to take money from ME and ignore his protests. I think I pay for two rounds in total and there are A HEAP OF ROUNDS!

Porn Star Martini's Do NOT make you a porn star!

I get back from a trip to the bathroom and he tells me hes gotten my text and stands up to show me how tall he actually is and we laugh about how much of an idiot I am!
Crisis Averted...

I have my moments when I can really handle my drink, that was one of those nights. I really don't know how my liver and kidney didn't pack a bag and leave. I actually think I was the more sober of the two of us. Its past closing time and we've been smooching like two teenagers in the middle of a very crowded bar, all very cringy, but I wasn't complaining, could have been the beer or in our case Sambuca goggles, but I really liked him.

Its closing time and we really have had more than our fair share of booze and I say I better get a cab soon and we walk outside.

He had told me during the week that he had opened a new business and decided now was the time to show it to me and me being a very drunken monkey said OK!!

We get a taxi and arrive at his new venture which is very nice, he shows me around and then shows me his office upstairs with its very own living area and conference room. I take one look at the huge white sofa's and think one thing..... SLEEEEEEEEEEEP! My ass hasn't even touched the sofa and I'm out cold. He says he tried to wake me but I was having none of it, so he got comfy beside me.

I woke up at about 7am thinking where the hell am I? and before I can even process my where abouts, my stomach decides to serve last nights alcohol an eviction notice, I run down the stairs and beeline for the bathroom. Throw up in a very lady like fashion and go back upstairs. It's my turn to try wake him and he's not having it either and pulls me back onto the sofa. I don't need to be asked twice, I crash out again!

Wake up a while later because someone is trying to get in down stairs and I can hear them wiggling there key and rattling the giant glass door. 

OH NO :( DID SOMEONE ORDER A WALK OF SHAME?

I get him to wake up and go down to let them in, its his team, all ready to start a decent days work and I'm upstairs in last nights clothes, hair and make up with sick breath! I want to get out of there as quickly as possible, but my stomach has other ideas, it would like to torture me for a bit longer, I know I don't have long but I am on my ass going downstairs to the bathroom where his staff and now customers are.

There are loads of boxes of stock and new equipment in the living area so I grab the closest empty box, dart into the conference room and get on my hands and knee's under the desk and stick my head in it. Its not pretty, visually or audibly! But I'm far to sick to start thinking about my dignity now.

He offers me a coffee but its not going to stay down so I turn it down, opting for a taxi home instead, but he tells me to sleep it off for a bit longer, I don't argue, I don't have the energy! We are back cuddled up on the sofa for a few more hours until I've been up and down dry retching to my trusty box about 6 times and think this is really embarrassing I really need to get home ASAP!

Finally get my head together and order a taxi, try and sneak out the door downstairs without making eye contact with anyone, but I walk in the wrong direction and my best efforts at a sideways crab crawl Fail and I'm sure they get a good look at the boss's indiscretion complete with her own box of sick (which I wrapped in bubble wrap in case it burst).

So me and my new cardboard best friend share a taxi home 

Amazingly he texts me and says he had a really good time and tells me not to worry, he got sick soon as I left! every cloud..... We are still texting and funnily enough on the first date of my last relationship I got too drunk and got sick and thrown out of a club and was with him for five years so Maybe I have uncovered the secret on how to bag a man?

MAYBE????

MAYBE NOT???

But we are still talking to we will see... as always I will keep you informed!

Dont forget if you want to share your stories you can mail them to me at

Idratherbealonethan@gmail.com

or follow me on twitter

https://twitter.com/IdRatherBeAlon

Or like on facebook

http://www.facebook.com/IdRatherBeAloneThan

Oh and one last thing, anyone ever heard of a book called THE GAME??

It's basically a "How to pick up girls for dummy's" Kind of book for (I'm guessing) very very sad men, but I have heard of a lot of guys using some pointers from it to pick up girls.

So Single girls, fight back, read this great article from Marie Claire magazine, outlining how to turn it around and use these "techniques" on them, fight fire with fire girls!!!! Its a war zone out there!!!!!

http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/expert-flirting-tips#slide-1

Thanks for reading folks :)

The Game Is Over.....

Where we Left off was.....

I was hightailing it South down the M1, like Thelma and Louise, minus the Louise.... thinking

WHAT THE HELL HAS JUST HAPPENED???

Did he really ask me out on New years eve? Hold my hand across the table? Kiss me after eating garlic? Stare into my soul with every chance he got? all after being almost an hour late.... and then ask me what am I going to tell my friends about him? 

This my friends was a stage 5 FRUIT LOOP!

He will have to be cut loose, but not tonight, I've had enough of him for one day!
Of course he texts soon as he gets home and the next day when I don't reply he doesn't get disheartened.... OH NO!!!! he keeps going so I give in and open up facebook to mail him, bit to long for texting, I'll try be as nice as possible and let him down gently....

I type.....

hey,
Im really sorry, but ive been thinking loads since the other day, I dont think we are gonna work, we live to far away and my heads abit all over the place, you are a really lovely, handsome, sweet guy and you deserve someone who isnt going to string you along, 
Ive been on a few dates over the past few weeks and I just dont think im ready to get serious yet and I think saturday was abit too intense for me, like we were moving very fast, holding hands and talking about new years in the car it all just felt to much when I thought about it on the drive home and then for the past few days. 
Im really sorry and like I said you are a really nice guy and if your ever down south definitely give me a shout and we will meet for a drink.

Take care

Ten Mins Later I get a text:

"I GOT YOUR MAIL ON FACEBOOK"- in big angry capitols, I'm thinking don't you shout at me, not my fault your mental!!

I also have a mail:

Maybe we wer gettin ahead of r selves talkin biut new years n that. But i thought r date was comfy in bar n u said was ok to hold hands. (I FUCKIN DID NOT) But im not surprised as im used to failing first date anyway. R u into someone else?

Jesus, I really feel like given it the backwards cliche... Its not me ITS YOU!!!!

But I hold my cool and reply

I just don't think I'm ready for anything that heavy, I've just been enjoying meeting new people I think maybe I need to be single for another little while, it's just how I feel, I think when you click with someone you know and I just haven't felt that, I don't want to drag it out. No not interested in anyone else, been in contact with a few guys but haven't and don't think I will be arranging to meet up with anyone for a while. (OK that was a lie I'd be back online in a day or two but no need to rub his face in it) I'm really sorry but it's just how I feel and I don't want to hurt you by stringing you along any longer!

So not only do.......

obviously blokes do be too!

So a few days later, I'm back on the horse and scouring the net for my next victim.

I start talking to a 24 year old from Dublin, who has a few drunken pics along with a very enjoyable topless shot taken in his mirror (not to classy, but Internet beggars cant be choosers!)

He also has a pic where he is the spitting image of PITBULL the rapper fella, so I mail him to tell him that I think hes a ringer for him and he should be an impersonator, he tells me he was thinking of being a stripping impersonator called "STRIPBULL!!" 

I actually laugh out loud, but convo fizzles out pretty quick after that.

Then I get a message from another guy, every girls favourite........

If your squeamish LOOK AWAY NOW!!!!

I didn't know penis's could type!

Starting to think I'm abit drained after the few weeks, I've had it with the ole T'internet dating. Just as I decide to delete my profile, I get chatting to a nice bloke from Dublin, has a good job, no kids, his own head of hair, drives, is a dog lover and wants to "BRING ME OUT" not go on a date or meet for a coffee actually BRING ME OUT, to dinner and drinks no less! So I'm letting him, this weekend. I'm really hoping he's not a relation of Larry Murphy and is actually a normal human being, so you can all ask your grannies to put me in their Novena's this Tuesday and light a candle for me at mass that'd be great!

THAAAAAAAAAAAAANKS!

I'll keep you informed. I know you're all hoping its as eventful and disastrous as the last few for your entertainment, but Id like to actually fancy a bloke and maybe even want to see him again!

Never know I might be the mad one this time!

But before I leave ya's for another week gonna ask ya's something

No.1: Ever met a guy and he appears funny, but a little too cocky, not afraid to slag your hair, lipstick, what your wearing or your personality? but you still fancy the arse off him?

No:2 Ever been out and a fella is wearing a stupid tshirt, a pair of novelty glasses or a stupid hat? So you stop him to slag him off or try it on and end up chatting to him for ages? Then does he try number 1 and you end up fancying him?


I think I might know why, but I'm still looking into it so I'll get back to you next week!!

Would love to hear some of your stories and possibly share them with everyone, anonymously if you like. mail them to Idratherbealonethan@gmail.com or just to have a read and feel better about my shit track record!

Will I give him a second date?

One of the first guys I was messaging online- we will call him Dave- looked BE-EA-UT-IIIIII-FUL in his picture, really attractive and he messaged me first.... SCORE!

This is how it started.......

Him-       So what u go for in a guy?

Me-	Em, someone with a bit of ambition, who doesn't take things to serious, love when a guy can make me laugh, never been with a romantic guy before but would like to try it, what about you? What do you like in a girl?

Him-	Fun, bubbly, good sense humor, good company. Think u fit the bill? -(More than think, I know)-I didn't say that

Me-	Ye I think so, does that sound big headed ha? What about u, do u meet my criteria ;)

Him-	I guess so, does that sound big headed lol

Me-	Hard not to sound like your blowing your own trumpet on this isn't it!! I'm amazing, Everyone thinks I'm Amazing you will too!haahahahaaa ***** I'm gonna Highlight a few details that will pop up again later!

So we keep messaging for a few days, small talk about random crap-

What we are dressing up as for Halloween

That it's his birthday during the week bla bla bla,

After my fancy dress night out he asks to see a pic, so I said,

"Add me on Facebook and you can see my pics......." so he does.

Then he asks for my number to text me?

We are getting on good and I reckon if he's seen all my drunken profile photos and still interested... 

WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! 

So we exchange numbers.

We go into a bit more detail about past relationships and more about what we would like in a future partner.

I say I need a Manly man cause I'm very opinionated and strong minded, so I need someone who can put me back in my box every once in a while. (Not literally, I'd get Claustrophobic)

So Early in the week we make arrangements to meet that weekend, again for another day date. I'm a firm believer that if a guy can hold a conversation over a cup of tea/coffee and doesn't need dutch courage then we will get on like a house on fire.

I wake up one morning to a nice, "Good Morning, How did you sleep" kind of text from HIM and a load of missed calls from my dad. I find out a member of my family has had a terrible accident and I rush to my families side, don't even think to text him back till the next day. When I tell him what happened, he sends me a lovely message and tells me if there is anything he can do to just let him know. He keeps texting me at hourly intervals asking is there anything he can do to put a smile on my face? little does he know, every message has me grinning from ear to ear.

I get through a week of hell with my family by my side and have a date to look forward to, so some light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

Every second text makes me shout at the phone

 "YOUR SO FRIGGIN CUTE!!!!" 

The poor dog jumps out of her fur every time I do!

Now anyone that knows me, knows that I have a (some may call) unhealthy love for The  X-factor.

I cry during auditions. I scream and rant when a joke act gets put through over a real talent by the poisoned dwarf that is Louis Walsh. I used to force my ex to sit through it with me and listen to my constant commentary on who was brilliant and who was having a very bad week. I would be delighted if he sat and watched ten minutes complaint free, its the little things! 

So I didn't really know how to take it when this guy began asking me do I watch it?

I didn't want to scare him off, so I put a lid on the crazy and kept it light with "I think Ella is great, James rocks my socks and Rylan needs to be locked in the broom cupboard so we don't have to listen to him" that kindda thing.

You can imagine my shock when he starts telling me stuff that I didn't even know. Now I mean, if he was on mastermind, he would be in the black chair and it would be his specialist subject. I didn't really know how to take this little nugget of information but I rolled with it and just tried to change the subject when I got bored but not before I pointed out that he was a little obsessed, thought maybe if I planted the seed he might put a lid on his own crazy!

We are really running out of conversation when he asks what I'm doing and I tell him I'm cleaning out my handbag cause my perfume smashed and he starts talking to me about aftershave, but i do humor him for one text saying 

I love when a guy walks by me in the street or in a pub and he smells amazing

 ( I didn't mention that when that happens, I often want to hop on the un-suspecting male and lick his face)

So its the day of the date and I remember him saying he would like a Kind girlfriend and as it was only his birthday the week before I stop of at the bakery and pick him up a cupcake and pop the box in my handbag. I'm running late so I text and ask can we push it back by half an hour, he agrees and a while later I'm on the road.

Now this is the first, of about 9 guys that I have been in contact with that I'm thinking, hes a little special, something might come of this, when my phone beeps I hope it's him, hes hot in his pics, has a good job and loads of ambition, he drives ( I have had serious issues with bus wanker boyfriends in the past!) and seems to get my sense of humor. He's ticking all the boxes.

So I arrive a few minutes early and go in and get a seat. Give him a quick text telling him what door to come in and where I'm sitting and order myself a coffee. Trying to look cool and casual while i sit and wait.....

Ten minutes pass and I'm texting my friend saying, "if I've been stood up I'm necking a vodka before i drive home!"

Twenty minutes pass and I look at every person who comes in the door, is this him? was it a really old photo? is he really 95 with a handlebar mustache and a pirate peg leg???

Twenty Two minutes and I've been stood up or hes done the ultimate insult and walked in, saw me and left.  So I call him....... No answer!  So I finish my coffee and leave.

I'm in the car, fuming at myself for starting to like someone and been made fool of.

I cant even listen to One Direction being all happy about living while there young, have to turn them off. I'm about ten minutes away at a friends house and I get a text,

" sorry twenty Min's away, really sorry got delayed be there asap"

I've had enough of men taking the piss out of me, I'm not going back for him to still walk in decide I'm a minger and leave so I text him

"Look i left 10 mins ago, i thought id been stood up, I'm near where we were due to meet but you can come to me, I'm not going back down"

Few minutes later he texts

"no problem, where are you?"

He's on the way and I'm yo yo'n between being annoyed at him for being late but happy that I haven't been stood up.

He pulls up and I leave him waiting a minute or two, soon as I open the door he's all apologies, he got stuck in  traffic and got lost. I tell him to just forget about it and go to give him a hug and a peck but he smacks the lips on me. Needless to say I'm gob smacked, literally, but I go with it, after all this is the guy who has been putting a smile on my stupid face through a very shitty week.

Eventually he lets go and we get going, then something becomes very obvious..........

The reason he was almost an hour late probably has a lot to do with the fact that he drives like he has only learnt to drive 6 hours ago.

He feeds the steering wheel through his hands the way your driving instructor tells you to but you cant do for any longer than five minutes unless your in your driving test. 

He takes every corner like the kerb has a thousand machete's sticking out of it and his tyres are made of helium balloons.

He took two hours to take a corner. I would have been quicker getting out and pushing the car. The very short drive takes agonizingly long but I think to myself maybe he has only learnt to drive or knows he has very precious cargo on board, so I let it go.

Get out of the car and walk to the venue of what is to be our first date.... again for me!

Then I get a smack in the face............. of the aftershave, smells lovely but its very close to Halloween and I'm worried with all the bonfires around he might burst into flames!

We sit at the table and I take my jacket off and his eyes nearly fall out of his head. I'm wearing a buttoned up blouse, so I'm thinking shit has the blouse opened and I'm doing a Janet Jackson and having a wardrobe malfunction, but i look down and everything is as it should be. Dunno what hes looking at.

Order the food and start chatting. He has a very intense stare and when he manages to look at my face and not my chest, I realize he has the CRAZY EYES!!! 

Image may not depict his actual eyes, but its pretty dam close    

We are chatting away, not as easily as I thought we would be because every time I start to speak, I feel like I could be saying "I have 17 toes and was born with a tail"and he wouldn't really be listening cause either he cant understand my accent or is really fixated with the print on my top, its very distracting. 

I'm uncomfortable and praying the food hurries up. I keep fidgeting; going from pressing my finger against my temple, crossing my arms, putting my arm across my chest and onto my shoulder, when I notice that every move I make, he is mirroring.... or am I just being paranoid..... I put it to the test.

I scratch my head....

He scratches his head..

I rub my eye...

He rubs his eye...

I'm remembering a episode of The Big Bang Theory where Howard is telling the guys a great way to tell a girl your interested is to mirror her actions. I'm wondering, is this really happening or is Jennifer Maguire gonna jump out from behind the bar and tell me there just extracting the urine and I'm gonna be on the telly!!!

Food comes and I'm not even hungry but I eat so i don't have to talk.

I'm finished eating and he's polished off all his and asks can he try mine? I tell him to work away, he goes for the dip and I say its GARLIC and he picks up a load of it and scoffs it.

Whoop Whoop- hes not planning on kissing me, he thinks this is going bad too, wuhuuu maybe there is something we have in common after all.

The plates are cleared and he notices some of my tattoo's and rubs them as he looks at them and then does my ultimate deal breaker.............................

HE HOLDS MY HAND ACROSS THE TABLE!

NOW, don't get me wrong, I have no problem with public displays of affection, in fact I wish some of my exes had of been more affectionate but I think this is a bit intense for a first date, especially one that I am darting to the finish line for.

I was praying for MORK to come and NANU NANU me outta there

Scotty to beam me up

Dorothy's house to land on top of me.............. anything, just gimme back my hand!!!!!

It wasn't just a little hold and then a smile and let go. Nooooooooo he held that bad boy until I actually got pins and needles and couldn't feel my pinky and index finger. I am no good with sober confrontation, not with guys who really are just doing what I had asked- offering a little romance. I hadn't the heart to say your really making me uncomfortable and I feel like slipping off to the bathroom and not coming back.

So I sit there for what feels like 73 hours but is probably more like three minutes until I cant take the pins and needles anymore. So I say I need the bathroom and give my hand a good bang off the leg of the chair to try get the circulation going again.

I few more awkward topics later and I say I really should get going and he reminds me that he has to drop me back to my car.... dam it, was gonna get the flup outta there.

When we get outside and start walking, he wants to take the long way and walk hand in hand, I settle with linking him, that's all hes getting my hands been through enough!

So we take the long way round and it's Baltic out there, my knees are knocking, my teeth are chattering the lot and he notices how cold I am and stops. Throws his arms around me and starts rubbing my back like your mam would to warm ye up, then out of no where, squeezes me like hes giving me the Heimlich, he nearly cracks my ribs, I know I said I wanted a manly man but I'd like to be able to breath please.

Eventually, get round to the car and take what should be the ten minute drive back to the car and he goes in for the kill again, so I give him a little kiss and try to Usain Bolt, but he collars me and asks did I have a good time?

I'm not gonna be mean so I say, "yea it was nice"

then he asks what am I gonna tell my friends about him, Jesus Pat Kenny whats with all the questions? talk about putting you on the spot, I just say 

"I'll think about it on the drive home", 

He says, so do you want to do something maybe next weekend, again I don't want to be a mega bitch, we are obviously not on the same page about how this is going, 

so I say "Em Maybe, we will see".....maybe, 

then as if he hasn't done enough to knock me off my game he drops the bomb............................

"So do you want to come out with me.................................. ON NEW YEARS EVE?"

As in, over 60 days from that moment. Now I don't know about the rest of you but on a first date some things can take you by surprise, like the guy can talk about his sister a little to fondly or let slip that his mam still makes his bed or pick his nose and wipe it under the table but this was a first for me!

If I was able to maintain the attraction I felt for him when we were texting, throughout the first few hours of our meeting I may have thought this was a lovely gesture but I think I still would have been a little freaked out.

With my inability to be honest with him about almost every thing he sprung on me through out the date, I finally found my balls and said 

"ye sure!!!".................

JOKING, I'm not that bad, I told him, it was abit far away to think about yet, he looked like he just dropped his ice cream!

I wasn't sticking around for anymore questions, I ran for the car like Chucky was after me!

Was ready for the long drive home of analyzing and then I remembered...............

Big Hunk of chocolaty goodness in my handbag............ Ah the Original Brown Hound Cupcake.................

To be continued....................


*If you are expierencing problems posting comments you can email them to me @
Idratherbealonethan@gmail.com

Ok, So I'm 27 years of age, I've been single on and off for 5 years. Decided in January of this year that I would stop going back to my ex and try meet some new guys, so after moving to a new area it was just the fresh start I needed.
I was lucky enough to meet a new guy almost immediately, we had loads in common, very similar sense of humor and it didn't hurt that he was a bit of an Adonis. After a week or three of flirting, we kissed at a party and it was almost immediately apparent that we were nothing more than friends, still good friends now and he  (unlucky for him id say) has become a bit of a sounding board to my disaster dates.

So after trying to meet guys on nights out, I was convinced by a work colleague to try online dating and was even given a website to try, where she had actually met her boyfriend (and baby daddy), so I thought if she could bag a bit of a babe online, no real reason why I couldn't..... Right?...
Id never really thought to deeply about online dating, I know everyone says its for serial killers and people with foot fetish's but I had the audacity to think I could filter out the men from the menteler's, well there must have been a major hole in my filter!


OK so I post my profile, picked my favourite pics from my facebook page, 6 to be precise, a mix of head shots, a few with friends and one or two showing my fun side-joking around that kind of thing.
Described myself as a 5 foot 5 girl, average body shape who wants children, doesn't do drugs, who likes art but doesn't know to much about it, has a fun loving personality, doesn't take life to serious but has ambition and drive and seeks similar- in a more long winded version....

First Mail I get is from a 34 year old guy who calls himself Hugh, his profiles describes him as an "Outdoors type" and I'm not reading in between the lines here, this is actually what he said to me.

"Hi there, I'm Hugh, nice to meet you, you are beautiful and sound interesting, we seem to be from the same area, I will tell you a little about myself. I am 34 years old, single about 2 years, I love the outdoors, I like to go for walks in the forest and hunt for my own food, would love to speak to you more and possibly meet up sometime"

I simply replied "HUGH MUST BE MAD IF YOU THINK I'M GOING INTO THE WOODS WITH YOU!"

But I wasn't discouraged, not yet anyway.

Mail two:

A guy who starts with the classic
"Hey"
always gets the juices flowing!! but he looks good in his pics , so I go along with it.

We make the usual small talk, talk about what we do for a living, what we like in a partner, how long we are single, then there is a few minutes pause in messaging and he hits me with this little gem....

Don't mess with the master!

Mail 3:
I think his profile picture tells it all..........

I wonder can I borrow those trousers??

Mail 4,5,6,7- about 22 are all just "hey how are you?" kinda stuff, ignored 95% of them, then started to mail a guy who lived about 30 Min's from me.

He was handsome, 32 years of age - so I thought abit more mature maybe? 

Had a ten year old child- so able to re-produce and open to having more kids in the future?

Had tattoo's - so wouldn't be turned off by my own selection of body art?

Really chatty and asked a lot about me - so able to carry a conversation and actually interested in getting to know me?

Had a great job until recently, but actively seeking employment and doing odd jobs where possible - Its a recession, loads of people are out of work, so not a deal breaker?

So after a week of mailing on said website, we exchanged personal email address's which led to phone numbers, which led to all day texting for a few days until he asked could we meet?

I was going to be working in his area one week day so we arranged a coffee date - easier to bolt after ten minutes if things are not going well, than if you arrange to go for a drink, then you kind of feel like you have to see it through till closing.

So coffee it was. 

Day came round, I sent my bestie a pic of the culprit, his contact number and told her everything i knew about him, along with the address of where we were meeting ( you cant be to careful ) assured her I would stay in public at all times and not give him the chance to kidnap me and chop me up into teeny tiny pieces and feed me to his pet ferret ( i dunno if he had a ferret, but he could have)

So I walk in and see him straight away, hes exactly like his profile picture, thankfully!

We sit, drink tea and coffee and chat for two hours, goes really well, he insists on settling the bill and he walks me to my car, which we end up sitting in talking for another hour, eventually I say I better head home, he asks do I want to go to the cinema the following night, I agree, give him a peck on the cheek and head on my merry way, pretty happy with how it went.

He texts a few minutes later and says how much he enjoyed meeting me and we continue texting....

Hes earning super points in my book, don't think I had ever been told I was beautiful and checking in if I got back OK, he was doing well!

So the following day we had planned to go to the cinema, I arranged to collect him and just as I arrive he texts to say hes been asked to do a few hours work in a local bar, I tell him its no problem,we re-arrange for another day as I have plans for the rest of the weekend, these things happen and I offer to drop him to the bar on my way home.

As I'm driving home there is no texts but I tell myself he's probably busy with work.

Next day about 2pm still haven't heard from him, I'm thinking this isn't good, but i text him anyway and ask how was work last night and I'm driving to a family occasion when I get the following:

"Hey sorry about last night, I really am, I got on good, it was quiet enough, I'm going to be straight with you, I met the ex and ended up in hers so I'm going there for dinner today to talk things over so going to delete my profile and your number, hope you understand, enjoy your day, I'm sorry.|"

Not going to give him the satisfaction of saying what I'm thinking which is I bet I was dropping you at the bar to meet her and your not "going there" for dinner, you are still there from last night and really want to text

"You baldy sh*thead, the cheek of you, I hope she gives you crabs!" instead I reply with............

"No problem, I hope it all works out for you!"

Better to be the bigger person I was always told! Messages deleted, number deleted!

Back to the drawing board.....

Reply to another guy who looks a bit of alright in his profiler...

Usual johnny waffles again for a few hours, I'm heading to bed when he asks for my number, we are getting on okay so I think, cant be any worse than the last guy..... right??

First text is something along the lines of "what is your bra size???" I'm thinking are you for serious????

what happened to the nice guy I was mailing ten seconds ago????

I'm gettin' peeved off at this constant battle of sh*te talk from random strangers who think its acceptable to talk to girls like they are working for bang babes, but I have manners so I reply.

"You're obviously just looking for a bit of fun, I have numbers in my phone of guys I know for longer than five minutes, that should the mood take me I would talk to them like that, not some guy I've spoke to online, no harm done if that's all you want"

YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK GOODBYE!

I wake up the following day to a text from an unknown number but I know exactly who it is.....

"Hiya pet, how are you??"

I'm thinkin' are you havin' a giraffe mate??? you text me three days ago to say your getting back with your ex! Yep its him!!!!

I reply "I thought you were deleting my number?"

Him- We had a good chat and decided it was never going to work out so just left on good terms

Me- I really don't know what to say to you **** like it was really good of you to be honest and tell me you'd been with your ex, you could of strung me along and you didn't, but I don't think we can just take up from where we left off?

Him- I'm really sorry xxx

Him Again a while later- Please can we just try it again, I made a big mistake

(so I think right we've all been there... gone home with an ex so maybe I can give him ONE more chance)

Me- OK lets just forget about it and start again

Him- Ye cool, do you want to come over and watch a DVD and chill out later?

(I'm thinking, don't get ahead of yourself, you have some making up to do, so you'd wanna do better than a DVD!!)

Me- Sorry I have plans for the next few days and working tonight.

Him- You can come over after work if you want

Me- Don't think that's gonna happen, were starting again, not from where we left off!

Him- Okay what about a date this Friday?

Me - Okay but if anything comes up, like I mean anything, your town gets locked down cause theres an outbreak of anthrax, your done!

Him- It wont xx

Later that night.....

Him- Hey chick will you call in on your way home mad to see you

(I know your game buddy, this is not gonna happen)

Me- Mad for your hole more like

Him- No not at all just want to see you

Me- well you can wait a few more days till our date

(I'm getting a bad feeling and this time I'm gonna follow my gut so I hatch a plan!

I'm meeting him on the Friday at 8pm, so he thinks anyway, he is just looking for a easy ride and I am anything but, so Friday evening comes around 8:20 my phone rings and I'm sitting curled up on the sofa in my pj's with a glass of wine and hes standing outside a restaurant in the cold waiting on me, like I said before don't mess with the master.

3 texts and 5 missed calls later I think he gets the message.

Stupidly this still doesn't turn me off I'm still on the hunt for Mr.Right, no longer settling for Mr.Right now, the hunt continues I will keep you informed......