Will I give him a second date?

One of the first guys I was messaging online- we will call him Dave- looked BE-EA-UT-IIIIII-FUL in his picture, really attractive and he messaged me first.... SCORE!

This is how it started.......

Him-       So what u go for in a guy?

Me-	Em, someone with a bit of ambition, who doesn't take things to serious, love when a guy can make me laugh, never been with a romantic guy before but would like to try it, what about you? What do you like in a girl?

Him-	Fun, bubbly, good sense humor, good company. Think u fit the bill? -(More than think, I know)-I didn't say that

Me-	Ye I think so, does that sound big headed ha? What about u, do u meet my criteria ;)

Him-	I guess so, does that sound big headed lol

Me-	Hard not to sound like your blowing your own trumpet on this isn't it!! I'm amazing, Everyone thinks I'm Amazing you will too!haahahahaaa ***** I'm gonna Highlight a few details that will pop up again later!

So we keep messaging for a few days, small talk about random crap-

What we are dressing up as for Halloween

That it's his birthday during the week bla bla bla,

After my fancy dress night out he asks to see a pic, so I said,

"Add me on Facebook and you can see my pics......." so he does.

Then he asks for my number to text me?

We are getting on good and I reckon if he's seen all my drunken profile photos and still interested... 

WINNER, WINNER CHICKEN DINNER! 

So we exchange numbers.

We go into a bit more detail about past relationships and more about what we would like in a future partner.

I say I need a Manly man cause I'm very opinionated and strong minded, so I need someone who can put me back in my box every once in a while. (Not literally, I'd get Claustrophobic)

So Early in the week we make arrangements to meet that weekend, again for another day date. I'm a firm believer that if a guy can hold a conversation over a cup of tea/coffee and doesn't need dutch courage then we will get on like a house on fire.

I wake up one morning to a nice, "Good Morning, How did you sleep" kind of text from HIM and a load of missed calls from my dad. I find out a member of my family has had a terrible accident and I rush to my families side, don't even think to text him back till the next day. When I tell him what happened, he sends me a lovely message and tells me if there is anything he can do to just let him know. He keeps texting me at hourly intervals asking is there anything he can do to put a smile on my face? little does he know, every message has me grinning from ear to ear.

I get through a week of hell with my family by my side and have a date to look forward to, so some light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

Every second text makes me shout at the phone

 "YOUR SO FRIGGIN CUTE!!!!" 

The poor dog jumps out of her fur every time I do!

Now anyone that knows me, knows that I have a (some may call) unhealthy love for The  X-factor.

I cry during auditions. I scream and rant when a joke act gets put through over a real talent by the poisoned dwarf that is Louis Walsh. I used to force my ex to sit through it with me and listen to my constant commentary on who was brilliant and who was having a very bad week. I would be delighted if he sat and watched ten minutes complaint free, its the little things! 

So I didn't really know how to take it when this guy began asking me do I watch it?

I didn't want to scare him off, so I put a lid on the crazy and kept it light with "I think Ella is great, James rocks my socks and Rylan needs to be locked in the broom cupboard so we don't have to listen to him" that kindda thing.

You can imagine my shock when he starts telling me stuff that I didn't even know. Now I mean, if he was on mastermind, he would be in the black chair and it would be his specialist subject. I didn't really know how to take this little nugget of information but I rolled with it and just tried to change the subject when I got bored but not before I pointed out that he was a little obsessed, thought maybe if I planted the seed he might put a lid on his own crazy!

We are really running out of conversation when he asks what I'm doing and I tell him I'm cleaning out my handbag cause my perfume smashed and he starts talking to me about aftershave, but i do humor him for one text saying 

I love when a guy walks by me in the street or in a pub and he smells amazing

 ( I didn't mention that when that happens, I often want to hop on the un-suspecting male and lick his face)

So its the day of the date and I remember him saying he would like a Kind girlfriend and as it was only his birthday the week before I stop of at the bakery and pick him up a cupcake and pop the box in my handbag. I'm running late so I text and ask can we push it back by half an hour, he agrees and a while later I'm on the road.

Now this is the first, of about 9 guys that I have been in contact with that I'm thinking, hes a little special, something might come of this, when my phone beeps I hope it's him, hes hot in his pics, has a good job and loads of ambition, he drives ( I have had serious issues with bus wanker boyfriends in the past!) and seems to get my sense of humor. He's ticking all the boxes.

So I arrive a few minutes early and go in and get a seat. Give him a quick text telling him what door to come in and where I'm sitting and order myself a coffee. Trying to look cool and casual while i sit and wait.....

Ten minutes pass and I'm texting my friend saying, "if I've been stood up I'm necking a vodka before i drive home!"

Twenty minutes pass and I look at every person who comes in the door, is this him? was it a really old photo? is he really 95 with a handlebar mustache and a pirate peg leg???

Twenty Two minutes and I've been stood up or hes done the ultimate insult and walked in, saw me and left.  So I call him....... No answer!  So I finish my coffee and leave.

I'm in the car, fuming at myself for starting to like someone and been made fool of.

I cant even listen to One Direction being all happy about living while there young, have to turn them off. I'm about ten minutes away at a friends house and I get a text,

" sorry twenty Min's away, really sorry got delayed be there asap"

I've had enough of men taking the piss out of me, I'm not going back for him to still walk in decide I'm a minger and leave so I text him

"Look i left 10 mins ago, i thought id been stood up, I'm near where we were due to meet but you can come to me, I'm not going back down"

Few minutes later he texts

"no problem, where are you?"

He's on the way and I'm yo yo'n between being annoyed at him for being late but happy that I haven't been stood up.

He pulls up and I leave him waiting a minute or two, soon as I open the door he's all apologies, he got stuck in  traffic and got lost. I tell him to just forget about it and go to give him a hug and a peck but he smacks the lips on me. Needless to say I'm gob smacked, literally, but I go with it, after all this is the guy who has been putting a smile on my stupid face through a very shitty week.

Eventually he lets go and we get going, then something becomes very obvious..........

The reason he was almost an hour late probably has a lot to do with the fact that he drives like he has only learnt to drive 6 hours ago.

He feeds the steering wheel through his hands the way your driving instructor tells you to but you cant do for any longer than five minutes unless your in your driving test. 

He takes every corner like the kerb has a thousand machete's sticking out of it and his tyres are made of helium balloons.

He took two hours to take a corner. I would have been quicker getting out and pushing the car. The very short drive takes agonizingly long but I think to myself maybe he has only learnt to drive or knows he has very precious cargo on board, so I let it go.

Get out of the car and walk to the venue of what is to be our first date.... again for me!

Then I get a smack in the face............. of the aftershave, smells lovely but its very close to Halloween and I'm worried with all the bonfires around he might burst into flames!

We sit at the table and I take my jacket off and his eyes nearly fall out of his head. I'm wearing a buttoned up blouse, so I'm thinking shit has the blouse opened and I'm doing a Janet Jackson and having a wardrobe malfunction, but i look down and everything is as it should be. Dunno what hes looking at.

Order the food and start chatting. He has a very intense stare and when he manages to look at my face and not my chest, I realize he has the CRAZY EYES!!! 

Image may not depict his actual eyes, but its pretty dam close    

We are chatting away, not as easily as I thought we would be because every time I start to speak, I feel like I could be saying "I have 17 toes and was born with a tail"and he wouldn't really be listening cause either he cant understand my accent or is really fixated with the print on my top, its very distracting. 

I'm uncomfortable and praying the food hurries up. I keep fidgeting; going from pressing my finger against my temple, crossing my arms, putting my arm across my chest and onto my shoulder, when I notice that every move I make, he is mirroring.... or am I just being paranoid..... I put it to the test.

I scratch my head....

He scratches his head..

I rub my eye...

He rubs his eye...

I'm remembering a episode of The Big Bang Theory where Howard is telling the guys a great way to tell a girl your interested is to mirror her actions. I'm wondering, is this really happening or is Jennifer Maguire gonna jump out from behind the bar and tell me there just extracting the urine and I'm gonna be on the telly!!!

Food comes and I'm not even hungry but I eat so i don't have to talk.

I'm finished eating and he's polished off all his and asks can he try mine? I tell him to work away, he goes for the dip and I say its GARLIC and he picks up a load of it and scoffs it.

Whoop Whoop- hes not planning on kissing me, he thinks this is going bad too, wuhuuu maybe there is something we have in common after all.

The plates are cleared and he notices some of my tattoo's and rubs them as he looks at them and then does my ultimate deal breaker.............................

HE HOLDS MY HAND ACROSS THE TABLE!

NOW, don't get me wrong, I have no problem with public displays of affection, in fact I wish some of my exes had of been more affectionate but I think this is a bit intense for a first date, especially one that I am darting to the finish line for.

I was praying for MORK to come and NANU NANU me outta there

Scotty to beam me up

Dorothy's house to land on top of me.............. anything, just gimme back my hand!!!!!

It wasn't just a little hold and then a smile and let go. Nooooooooo he held that bad boy until I actually got pins and needles and couldn't feel my pinky and index finger. I am no good with sober confrontation, not with guys who really are just doing what I had asked- offering a little romance. I hadn't the heart to say your really making me uncomfortable and I feel like slipping off to the bathroom and not coming back.

So I sit there for what feels like 73 hours but is probably more like three minutes until I cant take the pins and needles anymore. So I say I need the bathroom and give my hand a good bang off the leg of the chair to try get the circulation going again.

I few more awkward topics later and I say I really should get going and he reminds me that he has to drop me back to my car.... dam it, was gonna get the flup outta there.

When we get outside and start walking, he wants to take the long way and walk hand in hand, I settle with linking him, that's all hes getting my hands been through enough!

So we take the long way round and it's Baltic out there, my knees are knocking, my teeth are chattering the lot and he notices how cold I am and stops. Throws his arms around me and starts rubbing my back like your mam would to warm ye up, then out of no where, squeezes me like hes giving me the Heimlich, he nearly cracks my ribs, I know I said I wanted a manly man but I'd like to be able to breath please.

Eventually, get round to the car and take what should be the ten minute drive back to the car and he goes in for the kill again, so I give him a little kiss and try to Usain Bolt, but he collars me and asks did I have a good time?

I'm not gonna be mean so I say, "yea it was nice"

then he asks what am I gonna tell my friends about him, Jesus Pat Kenny whats with all the questions? talk about putting you on the spot, I just say 

"I'll think about it on the drive home", 

He says, so do you want to do something maybe next weekend, again I don't want to be a mega bitch, we are obviously not on the same page about how this is going, 

so I say "Em Maybe, we will see".....maybe, 

then as if he hasn't done enough to knock me off my game he drops the bomb............................

"So do you want to come out with me.................................. ON NEW YEARS EVE?"

As in, over 60 days from that moment. Now I don't know about the rest of you but on a first date some things can take you by surprise, like the guy can talk about his sister a little to fondly or let slip that his mam still makes his bed or pick his nose and wipe it under the table but this was a first for me!

If I was able to maintain the attraction I felt for him when we were texting, throughout the first few hours of our meeting I may have thought this was a lovely gesture but I think I still would have been a little freaked out.

With my inability to be honest with him about almost every thing he sprung on me through out the date, I finally found my balls and said 

"ye sure!!!".................

JOKING, I'm not that bad, I told him, it was abit far away to think about yet, he looked like he just dropped his ice cream!

I wasn't sticking around for anymore questions, I ran for the car like Chucky was after me!

Was ready for the long drive home of analyzing and then I remembered...............

Big Hunk of chocolaty goodness in my handbag............ Ah the Original Brown Hound Cupcake.................

To be continued....................


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