I was hightailing it South down the M1, like Thelma and Louise, minus the Louise.... thinking
WHAT THE HELL HAS JUST HAPPENED???
Did he really ask me out on New years eve? Hold my hand across the table? Kiss me after eating garlic? Stare into my soul with every chance he got? all after being almost an hour late.... and then ask me what am I going to tell my friends about him?
This my friends was a stage 5 FRUIT LOOP!
He will have to be cut loose, but not tonight, I've had enough of him for one day!
Of course he texts soon as he gets home and the next day when I don't reply he doesn't get disheartened.... OH NO!!!! he keeps going so I give in and open up facebook to mail him, bit to long for texting, I'll try be as nice as possible and let him down gently....
I type.....
hey,
Im really sorry, but ive been thinking loads since the other day, I dont think we are gonna work, we live to far away and my heads abit all over the place, you are a really lovely, handsome, sweet guy and you deserve someone who isnt going to string you along,
Ive been on a few dates over the past few weeks and I just dont think im ready to get serious yet and I think saturday was abit too intense for me, like we were moving very fast, holding hands and talking about new years in the car it all just felt to much when I thought about it on the drive home and then for the past few days.
Im really sorry and like I said you are a really nice guy and if your ever down south definitely give me a shout and we will meet for a drink.
Take care
Ten Mins Later I get a text:
"I GOT YOUR MAIL ON FACEBOOK"- in big angry capitols, I'm thinking don't you shout at me, not my fault your mental!!
I also have a mail:
Maybe we wer gettin ahead of r selves talkin biut new years n that. But i thought r date was comfy in bar n u said was ok to hold hands. (I FUCKIN DID NOT) But im not surprised as im used to failing first date anyway. R u into someone else?
Jesus, I really feel like given it the backwards cliche... Its not me ITS YOU!!!!
But I hold my cool and reply
I just don't think I'm ready for anything that heavy, I've just been enjoying meeting new people I think maybe I need to be single for another little while, it's just how I feel, I think when you click with someone you know and I just haven't felt that, I don't want to drag it out. No not interested in anyone else, been in contact with a few guys but haven't and don't think I will be arranging to meet up with anyone for a while. (OK that was a lie I'd be back online in a day or two but no need to rub his face in it) I'm really sorry but it's just how I feel and I don't want to hurt you by stringing you along any longer!
So not only do.......
obviously blokes do be too!
So a few days later, I'm back on the horse and scouring the net for my next victim.
I start talking to a 24 year old from Dublin, who has a few drunken pics along with a very enjoyable topless shot taken in his mirror (not to classy, but Internet beggars cant be choosers!)
He also has a pic where he is the spitting image of PITBULL the rapper fella, so I mail him to tell him that I think hes a ringer for him and he should be an impersonator, he tells me he was thinking of being a stripping impersonator called "STRIPBULL!!"
I actually laugh out loud, but convo fizzles out pretty quick after that.
Then I get a message from another guy, every girls favourite........
If your squeamish LOOK AWAY NOW!!!!
I didn't know penis's could type!
Starting to think I'm abit drained after the few weeks, I've had it with the ole T'internet dating. Just as I decide to delete my profile, I get chatting to a nice bloke from Dublin, has a good job, no kids, his own head of hair, drives, is a dog lover and wants to "BRING ME OUT" not go on a date or meet for a coffee actually BRING ME OUT, to dinner and drinks no less! So I'm letting him, this weekend. I'm really hoping he's not a relation of Larry Murphy and is actually a normal human being, so you can all ask your grannies to put me in their Novena's this Tuesday and light a candle for me at mass that'd be great!
THAAAAAAAAAAAAANKS!
I'll keep you informed. I know you're all hoping its as eventful and disastrous as the last few for your entertainment, but Id like to actually fancy a bloke and maybe even want to see him again!
Never know I might be the mad one this time!
But before I leave ya's for another week gonna ask ya's something
No:2 Ever been out and a fella is wearing a stupid tshirt, a pair of novelty glasses or a stupid hat? So you stop him to slag him off or try it on and end up chatting to him for ages? Then does he try number 1 and you end up fancying him?
I think I might know why, but I'm still looking into it so I'll get back to you next week!!
Would love to hear some of your stories and possibly share them with everyone, anonymously if you like. mail them to Idratherbealonethan@gmail.com or just to have a read and feel better about my shit track record!
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