I had been emailing and then texting a guy in similar profession to me (except A LOT more successful, a number of business's under his belt) and we had decided to go on a date to a very fancy restaurant and have a few drinks. I was finally giving up on my sober date rule and decided that this time I was going to throw caution to the wind and just go back to the good ole fashioned Irish way of doing things and just get trollied and hope for the best!
I spent the week on a soup and smoothie diet to ensure I'd fit into a very sexy LBD, got my hair done, got buffed, bronzed and beautiful and set about on my way.
I was staying in a friends house and dropped my car off and got a taxi to meet him. I wasn't feeling that nervous but I had a bad feeling in the pit of stomach. I had this dread that he was not going to look like his pictures and that this was just going to be another big disaster, after all we were getting along really well by text and with my track record it was only right that it was all going to go Pete Tong.
I had told him to make sure he was there on time because I hate waiting and I would just walk off if he wasn't there, so I was relieved when I walked to our meeting place and saw him standing there. He didn't look as good as his pictures, but still alright, I look better in my pics too, so It wasn't a deal breaker.
We were walking, luckily I had warn my trusted killer heels that I could probably river dance in and he was chatting away, no awkwardness, a welcome relief! He had described himself as 6 foot, I'm only 5'5" and was in heels but thought he looked a bit short, but again wasn't a big deal.
Got to our venue and I said I'd grab a seat while we were waiting and he went to the bar. I took out my phone to text my friend and give her a very brief message to give her my first impression and could update her on my toilet breaks of how it was progressing. So I pulled it out of my bag and typed
"Hes alright, bit short!"
SEND......... 3 SECOND LATER
OH H*LY MOTHER OF DIVINE........
I've only gone and sent it to him!!!!! He's at the bar ordering a drink and I'm sitting about ten feet away at a table looking from him to my phone, thinking, SH**************************TTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
Iphones really should have a "Are you sure you want to send this text?" option after 9pm
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If I had a brain I'd be dangerous
There's no way to get this message back, its now on his phone so I either need to try get the phone off him or face the music. I'm wondering could I ask him could I use HIS phone and delete it, but he would see it as soon as he takes his phone out, if he hasn't already, I'm doomed. I'm just gonna have to face whatever he says, if he comes back from the bar that is.
Feels like he's been gone for ten hours, text my friend to tell her what I did and manage to actually send it to her this time, WELL DONE!
He eventually comes back with two big cocktails and 4 shots, I've never been so happy to see alcohol. He doesn't say anything about my slip up so maybe he just laughed and thinks I'm a gobshite.
We are getting on great, drinks are flowing, conversation is so relaxed, this is the first guy I've been on a date with that I'm actually thinking I might like to see him again.
We are literally working our way through the cocktail list, trying anything that sounds fruity and alcoholic, well that's my manner of elimination anyway! Doing shots of Jaiger and Sambuca in between, fighting each other to pay for a round. He wont let me pay for anything, which is very gentlemanly but not a thing I'm really used to, I'm quite head strong and independent and like to pay my way but its a battle to get the waitress to take money from ME and ignore his protests. I think I pay for two rounds in total and there are A HEAP OF ROUNDS!
Porn Star Martini's Do NOT make you a porn star!
I get back from a trip to the bathroom and he tells me hes gotten my text and stands up to show me how tall he actually is and we laugh about how much of an idiot I am!
Crisis Averted...
I have my moments when I can really handle my drink, that was one of those nights. I really don't know how my liver and kidney didn't pack a bag and leave. I actually think I was the more sober of the two of us. Its past closing time and we've been smooching like two teenagers in the middle of a very crowded bar, all very cringy, but I wasn't complaining, could have been the beer or in our case Sambuca goggles, but I really liked him.
Its closing time and we really have had more than our fair share of booze and I say I better get a cab soon and we walk outside.
He had told me during the week that he had opened a new business and decided now was the time to show it to me and me being a very drunken monkey said OK!!
We get a taxi and arrive at his new venture which is very nice, he shows me around and then shows me his office upstairs with its very own living area and conference room. I take one look at the huge white sofa's and think one thing..... SLEEEEEEEEEEEP! My ass hasn't even touched the sofa and I'm out cold. He says he tried to wake me but I was having none of it, so he got comfy beside me.
I woke up at about 7am thinking where the hell am I? and before I can even process my where abouts, my stomach decides to serve last nights alcohol an eviction notice, I run down the stairs and beeline for the bathroom. Throw up in a very lady like fashion and go back upstairs. It's my turn to try wake him and he's not having it either and pulls me back onto the sofa. I don't need to be asked twice, I crash out again!
Wake up a while later because someone is trying to get in down stairs and I can hear them wiggling there key and rattling the giant glass door.
OH NO :( DID SOMEONE ORDER A WALK OF SHAME?
I get him to wake up and go down to let them in, its his team, all ready to start a decent days work and I'm upstairs in last nights clothes, hair and make up with sick breath! I want to get out of there as quickly as possible, but my stomach has other ideas, it would like to torture me for a bit longer, I know I don't have long but I am on my ass going downstairs to the bathroom where his staff and now customers are.
There are loads of boxes of stock and new equipment in the living area so I grab the closest empty box, dart into the conference room and get on my hands and knee's under the desk and stick my head in it. Its not pretty, visually or audibly! But I'm far to sick to start thinking about my dignity now.
He offers me a coffee but its not going to stay down so I turn it down, opting for a taxi home instead, but he tells me to sleep it off for a bit longer, I don't argue, I don't have the energy! We are back cuddled up on the sofa for a few more hours until I've been up and down dry retching to my trusty box about 6 times and think this is really embarrassing I really need to get home ASAP!
Finally get my head together and order a taxi, try and sneak out the door downstairs without making eye contact with anyone, but I walk in the wrong direction and my best efforts at a sideways crab crawl Fail and I'm sure they get a good look at the boss's indiscretion complete with her own box of sick (which I wrapped in bubble wrap in case it burst).
So me and my new cardboard best friend share a taxi home
Amazingly he texts me and says he had a really good time and tells me not to worry, he got sick soon as I left! every cloud..... We are still texting and funnily enough on the first date of my last relationship I got too drunk and got sick and thrown out of a club and was with him for five years so Maybe I have uncovered the secret on how to bag a man?
MAYBE????
MAYBE NOT???
But we are still talking to we will see... as always I will keep you informed!
Dont forget if you want to share your stories you can mail them to me at
Idratherbealonethan@gmail.com
or follow me on twitter
https://twitter.com/IdRatherBeAlon
Or like on facebook
http://www.facebook.com/IdRatherBeAloneThan
Oh and one last thing, anyone ever heard of a book called THE GAME??
It's basically a "How to pick up girls for dummy's" Kind of book for (I'm guessing) very very sad men, but I have heard of a lot of guys using some pointers from it to pick up girls.
So Single girls, fight back, read this great article from Marie Claire magazine, outlining how to turn it around and use these "techniques" on them, fight fire with fire girls!!!! Its a war zone out there!!!!!
http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/expert-flirting-tips#slide-1
Thanks for reading folks :)
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